Hormones have feelings too...

I wish I had a hand held recorder with me all day long so I could record little snipits as my day goes along.

Like for example: today I went to go talk to my boss because I have been feeling pretty bad all week. My back pretty much starts hurting after 15 minutes at the computer and within about 20 minutes of being in my car, 2 of which are pretty important parts of my job. SO...needless to say my attitude at work probably hasnt been the best. So...to smooth things over, I went to talk to my boss and her first statement to me was..."so, when do you think you are going to go on disability?" My first thought was: "obviously not soon enough," but then my second thought was "wait, is she already trying to get rid of me? Hey wait a minute here..."

If I had a recording device, that would have been the point when I reached into my pocket, pulled out the recorder, hit record and said "note to self: boss thinks I am an ass and wants me the F out of here."Actually, I dont think she meant anything by it at all, other than you look miserable and so I want you to be comfortable...but in hindsight it caught me off guard a little. Is my attitude that bad where they would be better off without me...hrrrmmm...????? Nahhh....

Call it hormones, I guess. But I definitely am a little more sensitive these days.

Like the other day when I thought a homeless person got my account number off of some checks I thought I had appropriately torn up and thrown away. I began having a hissy fit like a 2 year old and Nick, as sweet and caring as he is, knelt down in front of me, while the biggest snot bubble I have ever seen was forming out my nose, and attempted to calm me down by saying "honey, he probably doesnt have immediate access to the internet...so stop throwing a tantrum" and I responded..."waaahhhaaaahhhhh, waaaahhhaaaaahhhhhh, but I want to throw a tantrum."

So anyway...back to the work thing...I am finding as a pregnant woman, things at work can get a little touchy. Apparently being pregnant is a "disability" and I am supposed to be treated as if I have a disability, whatever that means. I think it means that they can't legally discriminate against me, which is good. But I also think it means that my production at work is eventually going to decline and if I dont keep a good attitude, I just may lose my job...through some loop hole, somehow. (Nick says: "Sue the Bastards!")

And here I was thinking I was solid gold since I had the highest productivity for the month of February, by 8%. But bad news: today I looked and I am second to the lowest for March. WHOOOOPS. There goes my solid gold status and my leverage when my attitude is bad because I'm in pain. For example: "oohhh ya, you think my attitude is bad, well why dont you go check my productivity...where I am the highest." Nope, cant use that one anymore. Now they are going to say..."man, that Joanna has had a pissy attitude and look at her productivity...she used to be the highest, now she's at the bottom."

In my defense, March has been tough though...with the hospital visit, bed rest and now the terrible back pain. All I have to say is...at least they bought me a back support for my desk chair. That was nice.

Its funny when I sit here and rant. I think about my pregnancy and it really hasnt been that bad...but there are parts that have sucked. I guess it just depends on what day you catch me on and where my hormone levels are. Yesterday I spoke with my friend Anne and she said something to the effect of "I love reading your blog, but jeeez, is that what pregnancy is really like...is that what I have to look forward to?"

That got me thinking. There are some women who claim that their pregnancy was the most beautiful thing in the world and they had absolutely NO problems during the whole 9 months. (Nick says: "Bullshit.") And there are some women who will tell you too much information and say things like: hemmorroid and discharge in the same sentence, all while saying that they are excited they are having a little one.

So I guess the answer to Anne's question is...well, probably in some ways and not in others. I think everyone is different. That is one thing I am learning, esp. the more I share with other pregnant friends. Fortunately I have the good sense to laugh at myself on a daily basis, especially if I realize that I am being an illogical, whiny butthole. (Nick says: "I laugh at her too...Oww!")

One thing I have definitely learned is that for a woman who never thought I would have kids because I was some different kind of woman, a tomboy...I sure am having the most regular pregnancy you can have. (Nick says: "Told you.") In my week to week pregnancy book, I literally have every symptom they mention for that week and have hit every landmark they talk about pretty much on time. So...that is kinda cool.